Perseverance: Update on March 21st, 2010

The ship currently is sitting in the last port of the Caribbean tour we have been in for 10 months, and we are getting ready to sail across the Atlantic yet again (my second time) to West Africa. The Caribbean has been quite hard and trying, and much different than anything I have seen. I will not lie, the last few weeks have been a tremendous challenge for me for a few different reasons, and the Sabbath days we are having (today is the last one) have helped a lot. The port we are in is an amazing place to take a break, with the town a 20 minute walk, and nature surrounding. We are in Rousseau, Dominica, and I have done a lot more here than in the past two ports in terms of getting out. I have forded a river for a few hours, participated in a scavenger hunt, and played in a soccer tournament. The sessions we have had were a blessing. They were about our “nets”, which is symbolic for our ministry, and how they catch and tear, and need mending. I was very encouraged to love those around me no matter how much I don’t want to, and to focus on God more than myself when it comes to ministry.
I had been struggling with something that I have struggled with a lot in my short life; complacency. I get tired of routine, and have a deep need for change often. I don’t like to feel like I am not growing, or moving forward, or wasting time. Life is precious, and time is life, thus feeling like I am wasting time is detrimental to my attitude. I wanted to come home early to try and work on my next steps, and be with my family. I have been taught a difficult lesson the past few days, and been made to realize I lack a key thing I need; perseverance. I have never been good at persevering in my life, and have somewhat of a quitter’s mentality. Maybe it is my stubborn mind, but it has been hard to stay on board the past weeks, and I think God made it perfectly clear that this is the adversity I need to deal with, more than outside persecution; I need to win in the field of my mind. I need to choose to move on, even when I don’t want to be here. I need prayer, and am so weak, but I will finish.

What Could Be Next: Update on May 7, 2010

My sister’s lone comment on my last blog made me realize that I haven’t explained my situation very well and, through writing, maybe I can think it through properly, and logically. I am currently three ports away from departing to West Africa, which is at the end of the month. This means I will cross the Atlantic for the second time, and visit my fourth continent since coming here 20 months ago. We are currently in Antigua, and it is very busy on board. The crowds downstairs remind me a bit of Jamaica, and the island itself is a lot like most Caribbean Islands. I had the chance to play basketball today against a team who beat us really bad, but that is ok. I still had the chance to give out bibles (disguised as sports magazines) to a bunch of people, and we all know God certainly can use that.

I have four months left here before I come back to Michigan and have to choose a path. One path I could pursue would be to try and get a literary agent to get my material out there, after I write it, while working a normal job. Another path I have pondered is that of education in the name of English, Literature, and/or Creative Writing. I don’t really want to go to school, but it may be a necessary evil in the overeducated, competative world of literature. I would really love to attend a University in Edinburgh, Scotland for a year or so though, which I would do joyfully. The last route, and most intriguing, route is that of continued missions. I would like to go to Nepal for a year to do a trekking ministry, and also write about the stories I see with my group. The need is there, and my desire is too, but things need to fall into place. There is still no girl in the equation, which could affect the decision, and I will enjoy my freedom until God places my other half in my life (and hopefully after).

I am excited to come home and start the next adventure, but the friends I have made will be dearly missed. The next path is a slightly less blurred one than it was 20 months ago, and I thank God for that, so now I have to take the right steps, and most importantly, keep growing. Thanks to all of you who support me in this mission; I honestly don’t know where I’d be if I had not come here. I may be in some career I don’t want to be in, or jail, or stuck in the party routine of debauchery; I don’t know, but thanks for helping enable me to see God in His glory, and to come near to him in my time of deepest need.

Wisdom: Update On April 26th, 2010

We leave Bermuda in 2 hours and sail to Antigua. I love sailing, it always provides time alone and time to rest. Not that I need much rest after Bermuda, since it was ridiculously slow, but I always appreciate rest. During the sail I will work in two different departments, the galley and as an Angel. Angels clean the whole ship, so we’ll see how I do waking up at 6 a.m. and all. Bermuda was nice; I took the last break of my time on the ship, which was a whole lot of nothing, honestly. I got to be with friends, which is always a blessing. The rest of Bermuda was nice, and the people are pretty nice. There is a strong Christian fellowship here, and the guys involved are amazing guys. I spent a few hours with some guys who go to prison nearly every day because a pipe was broke and we couldn’t meet with the prisoners. There is something about older Christian guys that makes me enjoy being around them, something about the wisdom that comes with mistakes, and the joy that comes through pain and perseverance that makes me want to learn from them. I think with guys like these the biggest thing that these guys possess, often, is true humility. I heard a quote once that was something like “The humble man only hears he is humble, but never believes it”. Humility is a life-long struggle for mankind, one that is a dangerous path, due to false humility tearing apart our true hearts and rooting all we do in pride. I am realizing how prideful I truly am with every new day that offers it’s challenges. I am in deep with pride, and am struggling to rid myself of it, which, I think, is what Christ talked about when he said “…and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me”. Pride is a root of evil, maybe the root of evil even.

A Beast: Update on April 17th, 2009

I sit looking over a sea as blue as the sky, which trees rustling with the wind, and big houses decorating the uneven land. Currently, I am on my last break of the time spent with the ship in Bermuda. It is beautiful here, there is little doubt about that. The city of Hamilton, where the Ship is staying, is a monument to the god of wealth. The buildings are a nice site to behold, but it certainly feels like something is missing. The people are friendly and will talk to you and help you, but it feels superficial. This is Bermuda; this is the world in a nutshell; this is the trap of discontentment.
As I said, the place is beautiful, and I am more than blessed to be able to take a break here, but there is something not quite right. Not in the buildings, not in the people even, but in the culture. The people here have anything they can desire, yet it is never enough. It is not just here, but everywhere. We are all victims of the consumer age, yet we all play along so often. I cath myself thinking about the next thing to occupy my time; the next new pleasure. I find myself wanting more and more, never feeling completey satisfied with the new thing. My heart has been weighed, and been found wanting.
So here I sit, looking upon a glory man could never surpass with her will and power, wondering why I want more. Here I sit amongst people who love and care about me on a trip I could never have provided for myself, thinking about the next thing to keep mme happy. Here I sit hating the beast living inside of me, yet not knowing how to kill it. The beast lives everywhere, attacking our impulses and insecurities to drives us into want. The beast breahthes it's flames, searing the contentment we can experience with our Saviour. The beast must be slayed. Jesus is all I need, there are no if's, and's, or but's to that, and I pray He makes that all the more obvious as I grow older and see more.

A Beast: Update on April 17th, 2009

I sit looking over a sea as blue as the sky, which trees rustling with the wind, and big houses decorating the uneven land. Currently, I am on my last break of the time spent with the ship in Bermuda. It is beautiful here, there is little doubt about that. The city of Hamilton, where the Ship is staying, is a monument to the god of wealth. The buildings are a nice site to behold, but it certainly feels like something is missing. The people are friendly and will talk to you and help you, but it feels superficial. This is Bermuda; this is the world in a nutshell; this is the trap of discontentment.
As I said, the place is beautiful, and I am more than blessed to be able to take a break here, but there is something not quite right. Not in the buildings, not in the people even, but in the culture. The people here have anything they can desire, yet it is never enough. It is not just here, but everywhere. We are all victims of the consumer age, yet we all play along so often. I cath myself thinking about the next thing to occupy my time; the next new pleasure. I find myself wanting more and more, never feeling completey satisfied with the new thing. My heart has been weighed, and been found wanting.
So here I sit, looking upon a glory man could never surpass with her will and power, wondering why I want more. Here I sit amongst people who love and care about me on a trip I could never have provided for myself, thinking about the next thing to keep mme happy. Here I sit hating the beast living inside of me, yet not knowing how to kill it. The beast lives everywhere, attacking our impulses and insecurities to drives us into want. The beast breahthes it's flames, searing the contentment we can experience with our Saviour. The beast must be slayed. Jesus is all I need, there are no if's, and's, or but's to that, and I pray He makes that all the more obvious as I grow older and see more.