Frenzy: An Update on the 19th of September, 2009

I like to think that I’ve been to a few places in this big world. I’ve been to beautiful landscapes, to huge cities with buildings trying to reach into heaven, to cities built on poverty, to places so plain and flat you could walk for days and barely get tired, but never have I been to a place that smells like, literally, poop. Well, this is the case here in Port of Spain, Trinidad. Randomly, for an unknown reason, the air gets a heavy smell of poop that ahs been sitting around for ages. It nearly makes me vomit sometimes, and at least makes me mad. Oh well, we are in a new port now, and it is a big ol’ city again. We are expecting tons of people to visit, and I have some really cool opportunities with sports ministry, and hopefully with swing. Last night we presented our ministries to all the new recruits, and I had another chance to swing, and quite a few people showed interest. I even got all three of us to dress up in Football jerseys and baseball hats!

That reminds me that I haven’t mentioned a new PST joining. Well, in the last port, Tobago, 94 new people came on the ship after a month long training process to spend 2 years of their life here. It’s a rather humbling experience seeing 94 new people, and realizing how insignificant one is. The night they joined there was a small party, and one of my good friends is back on board now after being home, and I am his brother. A few days after they came, I held a basketball game, then swing dance the next day, taking advantage of their eagerness to get involved.

I also had a chance to get to know a woman named Julie. Julie was one of our security guards in Tobago, and was a great person. She was in her 40’s (I think) and was very quizzical about what a Christian life entails. We talked on grace and responsibility, and of the bible. She had so many questions as what one could do. I saw a process where people had been talking to her since the ship had come, and I filled only a small role. I just sat and listened to her concerns and ideas, then told her she should get her own bible. This brought even more questions about what kind, which translation I read, etc. In the end she bought a bible (NIV) and was excited to know God personally, something which I think the world needs to be more excited about.

Another cool opportunity I had was to play an actual basketball game versus a local team. They were young, and pretty good. We lost 27-34, but put up a good fight. After the game, the girls played and got hammered, but that’s okay. We then brought a few of the guys back to the ship for dinner, not much good conversation, but I feel glad they could see the ship. I expect many more basketball opportunities including one at a local juvenile prison! Exciting, isn’t it?

Art: Update on September 8th, 2009

The last days have been a time I’ve enjoyed a lot, a valuable time with God. Since I’ve come back, I felt as though something was missing, like I wasn’t there yet with God, like I still had so very far to go. The truth is that I do have miles to run still before I can come close to being who I need to be, and this had been bugging me for the couple of weeks I was here. A busy schedule right off the bat hindered my mind from being too wrapped up in it though, and when I finally got time this past week to breath, it all haunted me.
I was on Firerounds again, which means I was up all night basically alone. This always proves for time for me to think, reflect, and read. I found myself in tears in two or three different occasions, and found myself rather crappy feeling. At one point, before my watch I wrote this:
My toes gripped the soft, water logged pine beneath me as my heart was gripped with fear. “Here I am again” I whispered to myself as the water gently glided into the dock and the gulls laughed at my cowardice. I hate seagulls.
“If they could feel the fear of the unknown, then they wouldn’t be laughing at me,” I told myself rather convincingly. “I’d be the one laughing if they were diving in to this lake. Freaking seagulls, I hate ‘em”
“They’d dive in,” another voice within chimed, “without even thinking. You know that water is plenty deep, yet you are afraid of breaking that fat neck of yours.”
This may seem odd to some, that I talk to myself, but the truth is that we don’t get along very well, and this is a regular thing when I am on the edge of a choice. He always seems to seek the exact opposite of what I want. It’s quite a dichotomy within my mind. He’s a jerk.
“Screw you,” was my defensive retort.”You think you know everything, don’t you! Well… You… You never know what could happen. Maybe a shark will be down there, or even a… a Manta ray, since they can kill people too! Yea, you never know what I could dive into! Think about all those possibilities, idiot!”
The breeze beat against my naked torso as the sun prepared for its rest, and the warmth of the twilight wind mixed with a long day seemed to draw my body closer to the edge, even if it was to just cool off. The wind beating the nearby trees that marked my path was the concert that surrounded, and it seemed as if my other voice had been silenced by my ridiculous protests. I had seemingly prevailed in denying my whims.
“Fool,” harshly exclaimed my mind.” You are nothing but a coward, and an ass. I mean really, sharks? Manta rays? Seriously? You couldn’t be any dumber. You know this is fresh water; you’ve even waded in it before. What the hell are you afraid of?”
He was right, no doubt about it, and I hate when he’s right. I had no response, kind of like a kid caught stealing a candy bar. My mind blanked, and my face flushed as the anger and embarrassment mixed into a mess of self-loathing. The clouds drew in on the dim light, and my instinct rose in my defense.
“I told you once that I could break my neck, and there’s no need to cuss,” I said in a rather childish tone. ”That’d be a lot of fun for everyone then, wouldn’t it. My whole life would be ruined! Everything I love; sports, outdoors, walking; would come to a halt. Everything I hate would begin! Why, I don’t even thi…”
“What are you afraid of little boy?” he rudely interrupted, his tone getting much more serious and angry. To be honest, he was absolutely right. I knew how deep it was, and I knew that nothing lethal waited beneath the waters. The bottom had to be at least 100 feet down, so I knew that it’s take some skills to reach it even without the proper equipment. So I quickly had to think of another excuse.
“Well,” it came,”what if my friends hated me after? You know they can’t swim, and they’d know I did because I’d be all wet. I don’t have a towel anyways, and it’s damn near dark out. One can’t wander about in the dark all wet and cold. I might get sick mate! I would need to dry off, and then I could find my way back. Plus, I really like the underwear I hav…”
“WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?” This time it nearly shook my mind off of its hinges, and again I lost my train of thought. By now the moon was showing off the lake, and the air had become rather perfect, but not for swimming. I was weary, and my legs sore, so I told myself I’d come back tomorrow.

These were some of the thoughts rolling around my head, like I couldn’t dive fully into God’s grace; I couldn’t give up myself in honor of my King. This was devastating as I know that this is what we are called for, to dive into all God has made for us, and to worship him constantly. I know that we are called to love those around us with no prejudice or hate, yet I felt like I was so far from being who I should be. So for a while I was stuck in between these feelings and not knowing where to go next. I was also reading a book called “Blue Like Jazz” that opened my eyes to the prejudice I hold against a few groups of people, and that the main call to us is to love people, from our best friends, to the arrogant, self-righteous Christian (my hardest task), all the way to the flaming liberal and the homosexuals. But this was all still so hard on me, so I was still very down on myself.
One great thing about Firerounds is that I get a chance to see the sunrise. Let me tell you, God is the greatest of artists. I would stand on the Quayside just watching the dawn unfold, in absolute awe of my maker. I would actually take the time to let God whisper, and attempt to shut up my noisy mind. That’s when it came to me to just let go. It doesn’t matter how far I think I have to go, what matters is that God is very much alive in my life. What matters is that I am out here on an adventure trying to find a measure of spirituality in which I’ve never known, and I am starting to. God truly is a romantic; He gave me the sunrise when I needed it most. He gave me peace when I was at war within myself. He gave me the capacity to let go of my own self-criticism, and to just let Him work. I wrote this quick poem in reflection:
Another picture painted on an empty sky
Another breath you take from me
Another minute my mind is at ease
Another day I wish I could fly
Of all the wonders here on Earth
And all the beauty hung in the night
All the mystery of a virgin birth
Again I wish to take flight
I see your stroke surrounding my gaze
The penmanship upon this empty page
But it falls apart when I look at your face
For the only true is Your grace
I am now reading a book called “The Cross Centered Life” and it has some good truth to it. TO live always knowing we are redeemed for no reason. There is no logic to the grace we receive, but none-the-less, we receive it. So, it tells me, to not just follow God when the emotions are right, but always. Cast aside the shallow emotional faith, and equip faith that really believes and lives redeemed. Christ is alive and kicking in my life.
On the relaxing part of things, yesterday my PST celebrated our one year anniversary with ourselves. What a blessing! We went to a beach resort that let us go down into this awesome beach that was in a sort of cove, all by itself. We also were allowed use of the pool and to lounge around on the chairs. After a few hours there we came back to have a time of partying and prayer and fellowship. It reminded me how crazy time is, and one year seems like forever and yesterday at the same time. God bless my next year, and yours also.

A Deep Breath: Sunday, August 23rd 2009

The last you guys may have known of me, I was on my way to Detroit to spend some time back home with friends and family. Now, my time in Port Huron has come to an end, so I’d like to tell of some of my many blessings while I visited. The blessing that hits home most is my family as a whole. I was fortunate enough to see almost all of my extended family, and to spend a lot of time with my immediate family. I have the best parents in the world. They made this trip a blessing, almost too much as I may have gotten spoiled. I missed them a lot, so seeing them and going to a Tigers game and just spending time with them for two weeks was awesome. It felt like no time was lost, even though so much has changed. I love my parents with all my heart, and I can only hope I can be a good parent too. My brother and sister –in-law were also in town to visit for a week, and it was really cool to be able to spend time with them as well. My nephew is such an awesome kid, and seeing him and my sister and brother-in-law was a great time. Kids can teach us so much if we just listen and watch. I had a blast with my family.
So on Wednesday the 19th at 4:30 in the morning I once again left home after a blessed visit. The eyes weren’t as teary, nor the hearts as anxious this time around, but I could feel the looming sadness upon my parents, and it broke my heart to let them go, but God has much in store for all of us, not just me. My course took me through a 7 hour layover in Miami where I connected with a friend from the ship again as he was heading on the same flight back. When we arrived in St. George’s and got through customs we had about 9 people waiting to welcome us, and hugs were in plenty. Then we headed back to the ship swapping stories like no time was lost, and hung out for a while.
The next two days were marked by weariness from trying to adjust back to an early schedule, and from work being rather difficult. My first day back we had a mooring line snap, and were forced to go out to anchor for the night to run from a large swell coming in. The meant 2 mooring stations in one day, which is typical, except on Saturday when we had to move berths all together because of the swell, which meant mooring stations and gangways back to back. I was pretty tired when everything when all was said and done, and my hands rather sore.
So today was a good day thus far. When I got back I was told I was on a church team this Sunday (which is today) and I was a bit nervous. I had never been on a church team, nor have I ever given my testimony, which I already think is a bit lame. But regardless of all of the crap in my head, I was able to go to this church that had a reggae song for worship, and the worship lasted a good hour and a half, and deliver my testimony. The two girls gave a small presentation intended to get people interested in missions, and I came after and shared about how I felt called into missions. After the service, we had a chance to sit down with the pastors and their families for a lunch of some peculiar foods and a chat with them. Beyond the small talk they started to ask questions about the ship and missions, and our lives. Then they started to tell tales of hiking in Grenada and snakes. They were hilarious. Two of the kids of the pastors were trying to figure out if they could handle life on the ship, and while we walked out she told me that my testimony was just like how her life is, and it was really encouraging to hear me talk about it, and be real. God works, even through little ol’ me.

Lost in This World: Update on August 6th, 2009

Well, we finally made it to the Caribbean, and God has richly blessed us (namely me) in my short stay there. We arrived in St. Vincent’s (Kingstown) on Monday the 27th of July, at around 7:00 in the morning, and I was on watch. I was absolutely shattered for sleep, ad my watch was from 4-8 and then we had to be at mooring stations at 6 am, and stayed until 8 am. I was shattered that whole day, but what a blessing! We arrived to a sunny sky and a steel drum band. Before long, rain had started to put on us as we pulled fast alongside the quay, but it was the type of rain you don’t mind. That might have been because of the high temperature and crazy amounts of humidity that none of us were used to after a long stay in northern Europe. After we were made fast, I went to bed.
As I awoke, I had to go down to the gangway for the last watch I’d do for a while, and it was amazing! I stepped out into a paradise as I got off the Ship; the quay we are on is something like a pier for cruise ships, surrounded by a high, dark cliff with green taking control of the flat ledges. The water is something out of a dream, and you can see nearly to the bottom. Rolling waves gently glided into the dark cliffs as clown fish swam under foot, and Ship’s Company enjoyed the sea, while we still could. I thought I had stepped into a fairy tale.
But that’s not why I was there. No, I was there to grow and to plant; to sow, water, and reap. I was there to follow God, and to let him cultivate in me whomever it is I need to be in this world. This process took me into a blossoming sports ministry in which we have been blessed with abundant opportunities to reach out and get to know the people of the communities we visit. God has also put in the middle of a funny time for swing dance, where the transition from project to ministry on the ship has made it somewhat hard to attract a good number of men. God has put me in a couple of leadership positions, and I mean to do the best I can, which is nothing without Him.
As I had mentioned on that little aside, I have been involved with basketball ministry (which is a part of sports ministry) since I’ve come. Now in ports where people actually like Basketball, I have seen already two opportunities to partake in the community. One was almost accidental as three of us stumbled our way to a court to play and met a guy who played with us shortly, before a real game between two of the Caribbean Islands. We watched for a bit, then headed back where I held a swing dance practice, that had a larger than usual turnout. A couple of days later, we went out again to a different court to meet a couple locals who we played with for a good two hours (which was enough considering the climate). They were both going to the ship on the weekend, which is a shame because I’ll be in Port Huron.
On Tuesday, as well as playing basketball and swing dancing, I was lucky enough to get yet more peace of heart as God led me into a place so beautiful I can’t adequately describe it, but I’ll try anyways. I know you’ve seen the movies about the beaches here, well, times that by ten. The sand was as smooth as butter, and the water like glass. The beach was busy, but on the other side was the private resort, which had tiki huts all around and was just a big hill in the middle of the water. We (a group of about 15- mostly deckies) spent all day there, getting sunburned, and swimming, and even playing with a few of the local kids. That was such a blessing.
So where I am now is yet another crazy adventure God has sent me on. I am currently on an airplane to Miami, where I’ll meet my long-lost friend to spend some time with before I fly back to Detroit. But how I got here is a story. I’m not sure if this is a new thing or not, but apparently airports here have a tax charged for leaving the airport. I had no clue. So as I stumbled up to the customs desk in St. Vincent’s, and they asked me to pay my fee, I was at an end. I had 3 ECD with me, and they didn’t take credit cards, and on top of all of that I have no idea what my PIN number is any more. I was shattered, thinking all of it was gone, but God provided for me to be able to go through anyways, without paying. Similar story in Grenada, except I had to pay, luckily there was a store who could give me cash back with a purchase. God’s provision is endless, and he just wanted to keep me on my toes.

Floating Freedom: An Update on July 25th (from the middle of the Atlantic)

Floating Freedom: Update for July 25th, 2009
Memories of pain, memories of war, memories of wonder, and memories of fame, all give life to this floating home. Swept away by our own desire to follow where called, we seek adventure, I find peace, and we all find rest. The beast has been tamed to honor our first transatlantic voyage on the Logos Hope as the sea has been smooth as a baby’s bottom. The whole week we have been at sea has been a blessing, and I have gained much from the rest offered. Every time I sit down to think about where I am I can do nothing but thank God for knowing me better than I know myself. This has been the calm amongst a storm in my life, and exactly what I needed.

It started as we sail out of Cork with a huge level of excitement and a sunny sky for the second time while we stayed there, this was on a Tuesday. The sunny sky quickly turned darker, and the rain fell… again. I guess it was just Ireland saying “good-bye and screw you too” (or that’s what it felt like). So the rest of the first day was plagued by sickness all around the ship, and I felt it pretty bad. Swing dance didn’t have many people dancing, and the whole ship felt sick (for the most part). On a side note, I forgot to mention that my partner for swing (Krysten) and I are now heading up swing dance. Anyways, I had to pop some pills to finally fall asleep at some point in the night, and when I woke I felt better, but not 100% better. Being that it was now Wednesday, this meant drills. So I suffered through fire drills and muster drills that lasted nearly to lunch, and then I ate and slept. When I woke, the feeling of queasiness had left, and has yet to return.

After that first day and a half, the seas have been so peaceful it’s almost absurd. So the first week of the voyage was about rest, and reconnecting, and I did both. I have been having a hard time the past weeks with a few things, so I had been having an even harder time seeing God as obviously in my life. Then, during my quiet day, I had the privilege of being reminded how much I am loved, and this is what I came up with…

Look all around you
See Me in the ocean blue
See Me in the rolling waves
See Me in My grace that stays
See Me in the celestial breath
In which the even rain can rest
See Me in the streaks of grey
See Me in the burning son
In which light is made
A representation of the One
See Me in the depths of the sea
On top of which you chase me
See Me in this giant sphere
And look upon with righteous fear
See Me in the dark
And see Me in the light
Chase Me in the day
And walk with Me at night
See Me in the endless sky
And feel Me as the bird soars high
See Me in the miracle of creation
Hear Me as they laugh and cry
Feel Me as you hold their head
Just as I hold you from up high
See Me in the hungry being fed
In the dead rising
In the heart sighing
In the nations dying
For I am He, and He has no equal
Remember Me in the good, find Me in the bad
Rejoice with Me in joy, need Me in the pain
And with My peace, My son, be clad

God’s grace is real, God’s grace is big, but most of all it’s free. Freedom is gained through a relationship with Him, and that comes with a realization that we don’t deserve squat, but are given something more precious than life! How can I, the guy who is on this crazy adventure exploring the world, the guy who spent his childhood surrounded by love, a guy who has been thrust into good things his whole life, why was I so down about life? No, I choose to move on, and I choose to grow from every pain thrown at me, for that’s the only way one can deal properly with problems. Christ once told us to “Seek and you will find” well, what was I seeking? No more can I seek the matters that only bring pain and trouble, no more can I look for all the good things in this world, for it falls away. No, I must seek Him, and I will find him. I will find Him, and I will find peace, even within the wars of this world. God is out there.

After an amazing quiet day, I enjoyed two days off in the sun; in a row! I even put the basketball hoop up on the top deck and played basketball in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean! How cool is that? I also managed to hit some golf balls off of the top of a room on the top deck, to swim in a freshly made swimming pool on the top deck, to hit a softball in to the sea, to get a sun burn, to get owned in a ping pong tournament, and to sleep a lot. Life is good at the moment, and we are only a few days away from the Caribbean, and it’s close to 90 degrees. Man did I miss the sun!