Homesick… Not Really, Just Footballsick

September 7, 2008

I miss football. Today is opening day for the NFL, and that’s probably going to be on my mind all day. The previous few years today has been one of my favorite days. I would go to church all excited and get home and sprint to the T.V. and watch all of the pregame shows on Fox and CBS. I’d run through my fantasy team to make sure I have it all how I want it. Now I don’t even know who is playing on my team anymore because I can’t rally check it here. I am sadder that I can’t watch the Lions, who are getting a really exciting offense. I guess that at least I can’t really be disappointed most Sundays this year. That’s about the only good thing about not watching football.
Aside from that little ramble, I am doing very well. I started to open up to my PST team (PST means Pre-Ship Training). I have been more talkative every day and am starting to be me around these people. Although this is good, I find myself in a familiar position; I just can’t open up on a deep level. I feel like I am going to be judged every time I want to open up. I have had this problem for a long time, just ask a certain ex of mine, and I feel like I need to overcome it. I don’t want shallow relationships, but without opening up I know that is all I can have. I would love to listen to people’s problems and past, but when it comes to me telling them of mine I get nervous and shy. It’s quite odd.
My brain is fried. I think that they crammed enough new information in it to last for a while. We have basic safety training right now, which is training to know how to be safe on the ship, and it is the most boring thing I’ve done in years. I find myself always tired and looking for sleep in the classes. It reminds me of High School again, where I couldn’t stay awake if I wanted to. Basically I’m mentally exhausted and just waiting to get to the ship. A deep physical exhaustion is way better, because I find myself not wanting to think with a mental tiredness. I’d rather sit and think any day than just zone out all of the time. I can’t wait to get t the ship.
The food here sucks (well most of the time). I tried liver for the first time, and almost puked. Lunch is always some nasty form of meat, and dinner is usually decent. All of the trainers tell me that I will love this ships cooking compared to this stuff. Another reason to get there. I am enjoying my PST though the people here are mostly genuine. There is one particular person that I think I could have problems with in the future. He is just incredibly overbearing. His personality is opposite of mine and he just won’t stop talking to anybody to listen for a second. He is always trying to show himself better than people around girls. Whenever people talk about guys being jerks or stereotypical he has to make it a point that he isn’t like that. He even took the microphone at a meeting we had for SP (I’ll explain that in a second) that he is not the typical guy. That’s just silly.
Well, SP is something called social policy. This is the rules to how you relate to women, particularly if you have interest in a relationship with one. The rules here are that you can’t date the first year of your commitment but after that your free game, kind of. You have to go to an officer and request them to get SP with a person of the opposite sex then they proceed to ask a female advisor and find out if they like you back. THEN the advisors contact the families and see if it is ok of you to date, and if all goes well, you have yourself a girlfriend. No wonder people who date here get married so much, after going through all of that together. The whole process is pretty intimidating.
I just wanted to remind all of you guy how happy I am to be here and how glad I am to have your support and prayers. Prayers make my world revolve. I hope I can touch a few of you guys back home with my stories to make you fall in love with the Amazing God we have. I am reminded every day how huge his grace is. You can never use it up. He truly is a well that will never run dry, and I have to tell myself that all of the time. Sometimes I feel like I am not worthy to be here, but then I remember all of the broken people God called into his glory. All of the tax collectors, prostitutes, murderers, and thieves he loved with all his heart. I even would venture to say that it is easier for the broken to love Him, as the grace seems even more real. I also remember that I don’t love him like I should, and I try to improve that day by day. I know I have screwed up in the past but that just makes his love more real. The reality is that I am forgiven and that we have a Big God.